How To Deal With Harassment & Discrimination
DISCLAIMER: This publication/kit is designed to provide information in regard to the subject matter covered only as a precursor to any type of legal, or corporate HR action. Use it with the understanding that the author is not engaged in rendering legal or professional service. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought. The purpose of this publication/kit is to educate. The author shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any persons or entity with respect to any loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by the information contained in this publication/kit.
INTRODUCTION
Congratulations on your decision and initiative! With this kit you have taken a major step toward gaining control of your circumstances. The next step — using the kit — is just as easy.
Whatever your personal situation, remember, many people had, or still have, similar ‘challenges’. I have myself been the brunt of, as well as witness to, many forms of discrimination and harassment.
Although I consider myself an outspoken and relatively fearless person, at no time in my life have I been comfortable verbally confronting cruel, insensitive or thoughtless people. Often those conversations, not going as planned, would deteriorate and I felt foolish, as if I should apologize for being “too sensitive” or “unable to take a joke”. At those times I would regret the attempt to verbally resolve my situation since, having backfired, it would result in more harassment.
Due to my frustration and pain and that of friends who had similar experiences, I decided some years ago to develop an effective response; a deterrent to these wearisome situations.
This kit aids in countering difficult situations in a non-verbal and non-threatening manner. The letter communicates your determination to no longer tolerate harassment, discrimination, ignorance or insensitivity; the replacement words will reflect your circumstances and personal uniqueness.
Using the sample letter as a guide, fill in the numbered blanks (_________); choose appropriately from the replacement words or phrases.
When the template is complete, address the letter and envelope – on paper of your choice – to the individual(s) concerned. Copy/paste onto the paper, sign your name and insert the letter into the envelope. When ready, calmly hand this letter to the addressee(s) and walk away OR mail it – whichever way you feel most comfortable.
Remember, persistence and patience equal resolve… a key element of success; apply it for best results.
SAMPLE LETTER
Date
Full name of addressee
I believe myself a decent person who would prefer to get along with the people in my life. In a work environment I place value on treating co-workers as I would like to be treated. It appears you may not have the same level of respect for me, as I know I have for you. From your comments and attitude displayed toward me, I am concerned you may have derogatory views about my gender. This concern has placed me in the difficult position of writing this letter requesting you view me in a manner that I find more business-like.
For the moment, would you acknowledge that my gender is a part of my personal uniqueness and that, obviously, this personal uniqueness is present wherever I go. Now, can you imagine associating with people knowing that a unique part of you could be devalued because of prejudice or ignorance. I live with this frustration, potentially each day. At times, this can be very disheartening. Yet, when I remember all the wonderful and accepting people I know, I regain my faith in the basic decency of the ordinary human being.
It is important for me, if we are to continue working together, that we proceed in a respectful and professional manner. At this time, in an effort to diffuse a potentially difficult situation, I would rather not discuss this letter with you or expand on my feelings. Instead, the next time we meet, if you behave toward me as requested, I will behave as if there never had been any misunderstanding between us. However, if you wish to pursue this matter further, because you genuinely do not understand the impact of your behavior, I prefer we communicate in writing. Alternatively, if you must discuss this in person we will need to arrange for a neutral, mutually agreed upon, third party to be present.
Sincerely,
Signature
FILL IN THE BLANKS
Date
Salutation
I (1_________) myself a (2___________) person who would (3__________) to (4__________) the people in my life. In a (5____________) environment I (6_______________) treating (7____________) as I would like to be treated. It appears you may not have the same level of (8____________) for me, as I (9______________) I have for you. From your (10___________) and (11___________) displayed (12__________), I am concerned you may have (13___________) (14________) about my (15_______________). This concern has placed me in the (16____________) position of writing this letter requesting you (17_________) me in a (18___________) that I find more (19___________).
For the moment, would you (20__________) that my (21______________) is a part of my (22___________) and that, obviously, this (23_____________) is present wherever I go. Now, can you imagine (24___________) with people knowing that a unique part of you could be (25____________) because of prejudice or ignorance. I live with this (26___________), potentially each day. At times, this can be very (27____________). Yet, when I remember all the (28__________) people I know, I regain my faith in the basic (29____________) of the ordinary (30____________).
It is (31___________) for me, if we are to continue (32______________), that we proceed in a (33_____________) manner. At this time, in an effort to (34___________) a potentially (35_____________) situation, I would rather not discuss this letter with you or expand on my feelings. Instead, the next time we meet, if you (36_____________) as requested, I will behave as if there never had been any (37_____________) between us. However, if you wish to pursue this matter further, because you genuinely do not understand the impact of your behavior, I prefer we communicate in writing. Alternatively, if you must discuss this in person we will need to arrange for a neutral, mutually agreed upon, third party to be present.
Sincerely,
Signature
REPLACEMENT WORD LIST
1. believe, consider, regard, think, feel
2. considerate, sensitive, decent, cordial
3. prefer, like, choose, wish, hope, elect
4. get along with, enjoy, like, feel good about
5. work, home, volunteer, community project, social, team, business
6. treasure, place value on, believe it worthwhile, insist on
7. coworkers, peers, supervisors, subordinates, salespeople, business owners, professionals, people, teammates, roommates
8. respect, compassion, thoughtfulness, consideration, courtesy
9. believe, think, feel, know
10. language, comments, behavior, conduct, manners, attitude
11. language, comments, behavior, conduct, manners, attitude
12. toward me, around me, near me
13. negative, hostile, critical, derogatory, unkindly, degrading
14. thoughts, feelings, impressions, views, ideas
15. weight, height, appearance, age, gender, color, race, ethnic origin, state of health, disability, personal life, personal history
16. difficult, unenviable, unhappy, painful, uncomfortable
17. treat, view, address, behave toward, speak to, look at
18. manner, way, fashion
19. acceptable, positive, courteous, compassionate, thoughtful,
20. acknowledge, accept, consider, admit, concede, grant
21. weight, height, appearance, age, gender, color, race, ethnic origin, state of health, disability, personal life, personal history
22. personal uniqueness, individuality, distinctiveness, singularity, identity
23. personal uniqueness, individuality, distinctiveness, singularity, identity
24. meeting, associating, fellowshipping, interacting, sharing space, working together, socializing, connecting, affiliating
25. rejected, ridiculed, despised, ostracized, degraded, devalued
26. cruelty, insensitivity, sadness, hostility, frustration
27. discouraging, lonely, disheartening, frustrating
28. wonderful, caring, kind, decent, sensitive, accepting, professional, enlightened, supportive
29. kindness, decency, goodness, benevolence, charity
30. human being, person, individual
31. important, crucial, vital, necessary, critical
32. meeting, associating, fellowshipping, interacting, sharing space, working together, socializing, doing business, living together
33. courteous, respectful, kind, compassionate, thoughtful, considerate,
dignified, professional, enlightened
34. diffuse, avoid, prevent
35. difficult, explosive, uncomfortable, sensitive
36. behave toward me, speak to me, improve your attitude, look at me, address me, treat me
37. difficulty, misunderstanding, problem, confusion, obstacle
DISCLAIMER: This publication/kit is designed to provide information in regard to the subject matter covered only as a precursor to any type of legal, or corporate HR action. Use it with the understanding that the author/publisher is not engaged in rendering legal or professional service. If legal advice or other expert assistance is required, the services of a competent professional person should be sought. The purpose of this publication/kit is to educate. The author shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any persons or entity with respect to any loss or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by the information contained in this publication/kit.
How To Deal With Harassment & Discrimination – Copyright 1994 – MyChainsAreGone.net
